Assaholics Anonymous
The Certified Asshole VIP Gold Card — "Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery himself."
Makes Anyone Funny With Just 5 Words:
"Do You Take This Card?"
The Ultimate VIP Gold Card: Guaranteed to Make the World Laugh WITH You!
Made in America, this is the original product I would hand to wait staff or cashiers and then wait for them to read it. Some of the biggest damn smiles I've ever seen. (The wife video'd some of the reactions so you can see what I mean.) Crafted from solid metal, this card is Ford freaking tough, boasting a lustrous gold finish with sleek black etched lettering. It comes with a plastic sleeve to preserve its pristine allure for you. It's just cool AF.
Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery, this majestic accessory exudes sophistication with a touch of cheekiness, elevating you to a whole new level of class. Whip it out at the club, gym, restaurant, or even a job interview (😁), and let the world watch as you steal the spotlight and elicit smiles wherever you go.
And per the Minister of Assholery's First Decree, you get our lightning-fast shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee! So get one now, right?
And everybody's got an Asshole, right?
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a little laughter while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. ASS it is written, so it shall be. - Da' Min
And everybody's got an Asshole, right?
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a little laughter while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. ASS it is written, so it shall be. - Da' Min
And everybody's got an Asshole, right?
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a little laughter while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few, and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. - Da' Min
And everybody's got an Asshole, right?
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a little laughter while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few, and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. - Da' Min
Exclusive Limited Edition: Personalized EMBOSSED GOLD SEAL FOUNDING MEMBER CERTIFICATE from ASSAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a must-have for every Asshole wanting to make people smile.
Crafted on premium Gold foil metallicbordered paper, each certificate is officially presented with the name of the recipient, andcertified with our exquisite gold metallic wafer, embossed with the Official Gold Seal of the Minister of Assholery.
Sized at 8.5 X 11, when framed, it adds a touch of flair to any space, from desks, offices, bathroom walls, and a perfect background "wall trophy" for your zoom calls! (Who knew?)
This "Limited-Edition Founders Series" comprises only 1000 meticulously crafted certificates, each adorned with Founder and Series 1 marks.
Here's what a customer told me: "Got this for my dad on Father's Day, and he's over the moon! He's framing it up for everyone to see, proud to be a Certified Asshole!"
So, whether you embrace your inner Assholery or know someone who does, seize this opportunity to spread joy with this unparalleled, original, and downright hilarious "Best gift ever." Add one to your cart now.
More Assholery to Create Laughter
Everyone who sees it wants one. The quality is unmatched.
Fits perfectly in my wallet. Love showing it off to friends. A real conversation starter!
Became the highlight of my wallet. Friends are jealous!
Gave these to my entire friend group. Weve never felt closer.
Its not just a card, it's a party starter. Amazing quality too!
Such a unique and memorable item. Its going down in history.
The quality surpassed my expectations. It's my go-to for a laugh.
The creativity behind this is genius. Absolutely love it.
This card is a treasure. Makes for hilarious reactions.
Getting this in the mail made my day. Can't stop smiling.
Really impressed with the metal finish. Its got a nice weight to it.
Proud to hang this in my office. Officially certified, and it feels great!
It's so much fun to have. Always a hit with new people.
Received this from a friend. Best laugh Ive had in years.
Didn't expect such a high-quality finish. It's hilariously elegant.
