Assaholics Anonymous is Your Place for Funny Unique Gifts for Your Favorite Asshole

And everybody's got an Asshole, right?

Our cards and personalized "Official" certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter. So if you want an awesome card or certificate with authority for you or any "Certified Asshole" you know, this is the place.

I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a little laughter while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my friends said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"

And everybody's got an Asshole, right?

Our cards and personalized "Official" certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter. So if you want an awesome card or certificate with authority for you or any "Certified Asshole" you know, this is the place.

I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a little laughter while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my friends said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"

Assaholics Anonymous is Your Place for Funny Unique Gifts for Your Favorite Asshole

And everybody's got an Asshole, right?

These cards and personalized “Official” Certificates are homemade, no-bullshit, high-quality creations “personally bestowed by the Minister of Assholery himself” — designed for one mission: big-ass laughter.

If you know someone worthy of being recognized as a Certified Asshole, or just want to make people laugh, you’ve come to the right place.

And everybody's got an Asshole, right?

These cards and personalized “Official” Certificates are homemade, no-bullshit, high-quality creations “personally bestowed by the Minister of Assholery himself” — designed for one mission: big-ass laughter.

If you know someone worthy of being recognized as a Certified Asshole, or just want to make people laugh, you’ve come to the right place.

The Gold Card: As Seen in the Reaction Videos

The VIP Certified Asshole Gold Card

$19.95 $29.95

Makes Anyone Funny With Just 5 Words:

"Do You Take This Card?"

The Ultimate VIP Gold Card: Guaranteed to Make the World Laugh WITH You!

Made in America, this is the original product I would hand to wait staff or cashiers and then wait for them to read it. Some of the biggest damn smiles I've ever seen. (The wife video'd some of the reactions so you can see what I mean.)

Crafted from solid metal, this card is Ford freaking tough, boasting a lustrous gold finish with sleek black etched lettering. It comes with a plastic sleeve to preserve its pristine allure for you. It's just cool AF.

Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery, this majestic accessory exudes sophistication with a touch of cheekiness, elevating you to a whole new level of class. Whip it out at the club, gym, restaurant, or even a job interview (😁), and let the world watch as you steal the spotlight and elicit smiles wherever you go.

And per the Minister of Assholery's First Decree, you get our lightning-fast shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee! So get one now, right?

Limited Edition Gold Seal Certificate

Mailed Certified Asshole Limited Edition Gold Seal Founders Certificate

Mailed Certified Asshole Limited Edition Gold Seal Founders Certificate

$19.95 $24.95

Exclusive Limited Edition: Personalized EMBOSSED GOLD SEAL FOUNDING MEMBER CERTIFICATE from ASSAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a must-have for every Asshole wanting to make people smile.

Crafted on premium Gold foil metallic bordered paper, each certificate is officially presented with the name of the recipienton our exquisite gold metallic wafer, embossed with the Official Gold Seal of the Minister of Assholery. Sized at 8.5 X 11, when framed, it adds a touch of flair to any space, from desks, offices, bathroom walls, and a perfect background "wall trophy" for your zoom calls! (Who knew?)

This "Limited-Edition Founders Series" comprises only 1000 meticulously crafted certificates, each adorned with Founder and Series 1 marks.

Here's what a customer told me: "Got this for my dad on Father's Day, and he's over the moon! He's framing it up for everyone to see, proud to be a Certified Asshole!"

So, whether you embrace your inner Assholery or know someone who does, seize this opportunity to spread joy with this unparalleled, original, and downright hilarious "Best gift ever." Add one to your cart now.