Assaholics Anonymous
The Certified Asshole VIP Gold Card — "Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery himself."
Get this First With Free Shipping
Makes Anyone Funny With Just 5 Words:
"Do You Take This Card?"
The Ultimate VIP Gold Card: Guaranteed to Make the World Laugh WITH You!
My favorite thing. This is the original product I hand to wait staff or cashiers and then wait for them to read it. Some of the biggest damn smiles I've ever seen. (The wife video'd some of the reactions so you can see what I mean.)
Crafted from solid metal, this card is Ford freaking tough, boasting a lustrous gold finish with sleek black etched lettering. It comes with a plastic sleeve to preserve its pristine allure for you. It's just cool AF.
Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery, this majestic accessory exudes sophistication with a touch of cheekiness, elevating you to a whole new level of class. Whip it out at the club, gym, restaurant, or even a job interview (😁), and let the world watch as you steal the spotlight and elicit smiles wherever you go.
And per the Minister of Assholery's First Decree, you get our lightning-fast free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee! So get one now, right?
Exclusive Limited Edition - While They Last: Personalized EMBOSSED GOLD SEAL FOUNDING MEMBER CERTIFICATE from ASSAHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
I love this thing, my second favorite thing here. Here's how one legit customer described it to me: "Got this for my dad on Father's Day, and he's over the moon! He's framing it up for everyone to see, proud to be a Certified Asshole!"
This is a numbered, limited-edition, real looking gag gift designed to give or get multiple big-ass laughter moments.
For you or as a gift, each certificate is personalized with the honoree's name, then crafted on the best premium 8.5" x 11" Gold foil metallic borderedcertificate paper we could find!
It is then officially certified with the manually embossed Official Gold Seal of the Minister of Assholery, giving it the perfect image of authority. An additional embossed Gold Seal is then affixed to seal the outer envelope, announcing it's "regality."
To enhance your unique value, this "Limited-Edition Founders Series" comprises a total run of only 1000 of these meticulously crafted certificates, each adorned with Founder and Series 1 marks, and numbered on back. (Under 645 left!)
This adds a touch of flair to any space, from desks, offices, bathroom walls, and for your inside joke, it is a perfect background "wall trophy" for your zoom calls!
And per the Minister of Assholery's First Decree, you get our lightning-fast free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee!
So, whether you embrace your inner Assholery or know someone who does, for 20 bucks you can spread joy and multible laughter moments with this unparalleled, original, and downright hilarious "Best gift ever." If you agree, add one to your cart right now.
(Need a gift fast, like right now? You can get a digital, print-at-home version.)
Everyone who sees it wants one. The quality is unmatched.
Fits perfectly in my wallet. Love showing it off to friends. A real conversation starter!
Became the highlight of my wallet. Friends are jealous!
Gave these to my entire friend group. Weve never felt closer.
Its not just a card, it's a party starter. Amazing quality too!
Such a unique and memorable item. Its going down in history.
The quality surpassed my expectations. It's my go-to for a laugh.
The creativity behind this is genius. Absolutely love it.
This card is a treasure. Makes for hilarious reactions.
Getting this in the mail made my day. Can't stop smiling.
Really impressed with the metal finish. Its got a nice weight to it.
Proud to hang this in my office. Officially certified, and it feels great!
It's so much fun to have. Always a hit with new people.
Received this from a friend. Best laugh Ive had in years.
Didn't expect such a high-quality finish. It's hilariously elegant.
And everybody's got an Asshole, right?
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a few laughter moments while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few, and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. - Da' Min
And everybody's got an Asshole, right?
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a few laughter moments while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too. So I made a few, and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. - Da' Min
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a few laughter moments while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too.
So I made a few and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. ASS it is written, so it shall be. - Da' Min
I'm just a funny old retired asshole, (the nice type), desiring to create a few laughter moments while I still can, between naps. This ridiculous idea all started when my pals saw the reaction videos my wife shot and said they wanted my "Gold Card" too.
So I made a few and this became a very small side hustle. It's been dormant for a few, but all of a sudden people are buying stuff now. Must be the "Era of the Asshole?"
Our "Official" cards and personalized certificates are homemade, no bullshit, high quality products bestowed on the recipient by the "Minister of Assholery," (wink) designed to create big-ass laughter.
So buy one and go forth and multiply, laughter. ASS it is written, so it shall be. - Da' Min
All Cards and Certificates
Everyone who sees it wants one. The quality is unmatched.
Fits perfectly in my wallet. Love showing it off to friends. A real conversation starter!
Became the highlight of my wallet. Friends are jealous!
Gave these to my entire friend group. Weve never felt closer.
Its not just a card, it's a party starter. Amazing quality too!
Such a unique and memorable item. Its going down in history.
The quality surpassed my expectations. It's my go-to for a laugh.
The creativity behind this is genius. Absolutely love it.
This card is a treasure. Makes for hilarious reactions.
Getting this in the mail made my day. Can't stop smiling.
Really impressed with the metal finish. Its got a nice weight to it.
Proud to hang this in my office. Officially certified, and it feels great!
It's so much fun to have. Always a hit with new people.
Received this from a friend. Best laugh Ive had in years.
Didn't expect such a high-quality finish. It's hilariously elegant.
