Assaholics Anonymous
Now you can easily, and humorously honor yourself, friends, family, or political rival, with "official" certificates, cards, and merch, decreed as a "Certified Asshole, as Ordained by the Minister of Assholery" - and card-carrying members of Assaholics Anonymous. (Yep, it's a thing.)
For the procrastinators, our hilarious digital certificate makes the perfect inexpensive, emergency, last-second gift for any occasion. (Well, almost any occasion.)
Literally Buy it, Print it, and Give it right now.
And check out the member videos to see how anyone can also use these to create hours of hilarious social content.
Welcome to Assaholics Anonymous. We are just for the fun of it.
Now you can easily, and humorously honor yourself, friends, family, or political rival, with "official" certificates, cards, and merch, decreed as a "Certified Asshole, as Ordained by the Minister of Assholery" - and card-carrying members of Assaholics Anonymous. (Yep, it's a thing.)
For the procrastinators, our hilarious digital certificate makes the perfect inexpensive, emergency, last-second gift for any occasion. (Well, almost any occasion.)
Literally Buy it, Print it, and Give it right now.
And check out the member videos to see how anyone can also use these to create hours of hilarious social content.
Welcome to Assaholics Anonymous. We are just for the fun of it.
Now, just for the fun of it, you can easily and hilariously honor yourself, friends, family, or political rival, with "official" certificates, cards, and merch, decreed as a "Certified Asshole, as Ordained by the Minister of Assholery"- and card-carrying members of Assaholics Anonymous. (Yep, it's a thing.)
For the procrastinators, our hilarious digital certificate makes the perfect inexpensive, emergency, last-second gift for any occasion. (Well, almost any occasion.) Literally Buy it, Print it, and Give it right now.
And check out the member videos to see how anyone can also use these to create hours of hilarious social content.
Welcome to Assaholics Anonymous. We are just for the fun of it.
Now, just for the fun of it, you can easily and hilariously honor yourself, friends, family, or political rival, with "official" certificates, cards, and merch, decreed as a "Certified Asshole, as Ordained by the Minister of Assholery"- and card-carrying members of Assaholics Anonymous. (Yep, it's a thing.)
For the procrastinators, our hilarious digital certificate makes the perfect inexpensive, emergency, last-second gift for any occasion. (Well, almost any occasion.) Literally Buy it, Print it, and Give it right now.
And check out the member videos to see how anyone can also use these to create hours of hilarious social content.
Welcome to Assaholics Anonymous. We are just for the fun of it.
Looking for a hilarious gift to make someone laugh? Or just something to entertain your masses?
The Ultimate VIP Gold Card: Guaranteed to Make the World Laugh WITH You!
Guaranteed! (F'realz) Made in America, this is our original product. It's sole mission is to make YOU the life of every party, gathering, meal, even mundane errand. (And it can give you an endless content stream if that's your thing!)
Our customer's reaction videos prove only the 5 words "Do you take this card?" are needed to take anyone's day from monotonous to memorable. It's the funniest when they try to run it as an actual credit card.
Check out the videos and then envision yourself as the comedic maestro making them say, "thank you for making my day."
Whether it's for you, or a gift for someone else, this card ensures laughter from family, friends, fans, and even unsuspecting strangers.
Why It's A Cool Gift
Crafted from solid metal, this card is Ford freaking tough, boasting a lustrous gold finish with sleek black etched lettering. It's just cool AF.
Because we take as much pride in our presentation as we do in our humor, each card comes with a plastic sleeve to preserve its pristine allure for you.
And per the Minister's Decree, you get our lightning-fast shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee!
This majestic accessory exudes sophistication with a touch of cheekiness, elevating you to a whole new level of class. Whip it out at the club, gym, restaurant, or even a job interview (😁), and let the world watch as you steal the spotlight and elicit smiles wherever you go.
For Creators: Produce Your Own Viral Videos
People love to laugh, and now YOU can be the star of your own world by surprising cashiers and wait staff with this card instead of your usual payment method. Capture their priceless reactions yourself, or two-camera with a friend as they try to run it, and catapult yourself to social humor stardom—it's that simple! Really is. Algorithm's love humor.
If you're grinning now just thinking about giving it to someone, you are our type. Add this card to your cart and spread joy wherever you go. After all, laughter is the best medicine, and with this VIP Gold Card, you'll be Dr. Mestro of Mirth wherever you roam, and people will love you.
Commence the Braggery!
Exclusive Limited Edition: For yourself or a gift, elevate any space with the exquisite EMBOSSED GOLD SEAL FOUNDING MEMBER CERTIFICATE from ASSAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a must-have for every Assaholic wanting to make people smile.
(*And a perfect "wall trophy" for your zoom calls!)
Straight from the vault of the Minister of Assholery himself, this certificate proudly commemorates your official Founding Membership in our esteemed organization. Display it proudly on your desk or wall, or give it for an unforgettable gift.
This "Limited-Edition Founders Series" comprises only 1000 meticulously crafted certificates, each adorned with Founder and Series 1 marks.
[[Our inspiration for the "Limited Edition" part of the Founder's Certificate came from a member who envisioned its future value as we grow beyond 1 million members. Who knows, right?]]
Crafted on premium Gold foil metallic bordered paper, each certificate features our exquisite gold metallic wafer embossed with the Official Gold Seal of the Minister of Assholery. Sized at 8.5 X 11, it adds a touch of flair to any space, from desks, offices, even bathroom walls.
Here's what a customer had to say:
"Got this for my dad on Father's Day, and he's over the moon! He's framing it up for everyone to see, proud to be a certified asshole!"
This certificate is a badge of honor, a testament to your exemplary Assaholic status. We personalize it with your or their name for that extra touch of authenticity.
Above all, whether it's hanging on your wall or theirs, this certificate guarantees laughter. It's the perfect blend of wit and whimsy, guaranteed to tickle funny bones far and wide.
This certificate INCLUDES all the Official Membership benenefits bestowed by the Minister of Assholery.
So, whether you embrace your inner Assholery or know someone who does, seize this opportunity to spread joy with this unparalleled, original, and downright hilarious "Best gift ever."
It also pairs well with a VIP Gold Card.
Or Get All 3 and Save!
Mix and Match and Save
On a budget or just need it fast, you can order a digital version of the Certified Official Founding Member of Assaholics Anonymous Certificate. Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery, you are then also vested with the powers to make anyone in your world an "Associate" Certified Member.
We email you the Official Digital "Certified Asshole Membership Certificate." As a fast gift you can print it at home right now, put yours or your Honoree's name on it, and publicly present it in the most dramatic of fashions. It is hilarious to see the immediate laughter!
We also send you the digital "Associate" Membership Certificate. Print and present them to your "crew", or as many friends, family, or coworkers you deem worthy of the honor. Video and then post the good ones on your socials to entertain your followers.
Forever be known as "a Certified Founding Member of Assaholics Anonymous bestowed by the Minister of Assholery.
All that, and on sale now for $4.95. (Regularly $9.95, so get one now.)
Then Add Your Gold Seal Embossed Certificate
The difference is the digital certificate is emailed and printed at home. (Perfect for a last minute emergency gift!)
This option adds the incredibly stunning, highest quality PERSONALIZED EMBOSSED GOLD SEAL FOUNDING MEMBER CERTIFICATE of ASSAHOLICS ANONYMOUS bestowed by the MINISTER OF ASSHOLERY, with your Honoree's name imprinted, and then actually mailed to you.
Only $9.95 in the bundle.
Then Add the VIP Gold Card
This is the VIP Certified Asshole Gold Card you see in all the "Do You Take This Card" videos.
Only $9.95 in the bundle.
Buy one, two, or all three and SAVE!
Remember our PROMISE, whether for a personal gag gift, or gift it with love, or used to add content to your socials, or even as a prank, any of these WILL make you as funny as the people in the videos.
It is all about fun and just cool AF. Everyone will say "I've never seen one of these before, where did you get it?"People will love you!
More Assholery to Create Laughter
Everyone who sees it wants one. The quality is unmatched.
Fits perfectly in my wallet. Love showing it off to friends. A real conversation starter!
Became the highlight of my wallet. Friends are jealous!
Gave these to my entire friend group. Weve never felt closer.
Its not just a card, it's a party starter. Amazing quality too!
Such a unique and memorable item. Its going down in history.
The quality surpassed my expectations. It's my go-to for a laugh.
The creativity behind this is genius. Absolutely love it.
This card is a treasure. Makes for hilarious reactions.
Getting this in the mail made my day. Can't stop smiling.
Really impressed with the metal finish. Its got a nice weight to it.
Proud to hang this in my office. Officially certified, and it feels great!
It's so much fun to have. Always a hit with new people.
Received this from a friend. Best laugh Ive had in years.
Didn't expect such a high-quality finish. It's hilariously elegant.
