{"title":"Memberships","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e**Step 1: \u003c\/strong\u003eThou shalt select thine\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eAssaholics Anonymous Membership Version and Unleash Your Unique and Raw Powers!\u003cstrong\u003e**\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeeling powerless? Time to debunk that nonsense. As an\u003cstrong\u003e Official, Certified Founding Member of Assaholics Anonymous, \u003c\/strong\u003eyou'll be instantly infused with incredible, undeniable powers! Read on. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou may chose your version of Assholery:  The G-Rated \"\u003cstrong\u003eCertified Jackhole\u003c\/strong\u003e,\" the crowd pleasing \"\u003cstrong\u003eCertified Assaholic\u003c\/strong\u003e,\" or the very adulting \"\u003cstrong\u003eCertified Asshole\" Official Membership.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEach one bestows upon you the same mighty comic influence across our domain, along with a pristine\u003cstrong\u003e Official Certified Digital Certificate, \u003c\/strong\u003eyour\u003cstrong\u003e irrefutable proof \u003c\/strong\u003eof awesomeness for the real world. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis elite status will forever grant you \u003cstrong\u003eFREE Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e and a \u003cstrong\u003eCertified Member discount of 10%, \u003c\/strong\u003eplus of course the Membership perks detailed in the Membership descriptions. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis power granted is not just the power of high laughter, it also grants you the powers of the realm to use in the real world. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThanks to the powers and trust vested in you by the Minister of Assholery, he also grants you a \u003cstrong\u003eFREE Associate Member Digital Certificate. \u003c\/strong\u003eUse it wisely, mercifully, and humorously to \u003cstrong\u003erecognize all of those you deem worthy\u003c\/strong\u003e of this incredible honor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is the power of high laughter, This is not just power; it's raw, unadulterated \u003cstrong\u003ePOWER\u003c\/strong\u003e you can exclusively attain right here, right now.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt's your moment now. Just select your version of Assholery and spend the $9.95. It's worth it just for the powers it gives you, much less the savings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGrab it, wield it, and become the Assaholic you were meant to be! 🌟🦸‍♂️\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"copy-of-new-personal-im-an-asshole-cards","title":"SOLD OUT - Your Personalizable \"I'm A Certified Asshole\" Cards","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eHand Out The Asshole Version\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePeople often struggle to express their inner \"assholery\" in a fun and memorable way. They want a unique and personalized card that celebrates their individuality and leaves a lasting impression and contact info, either personal or their AmbASSador Affiliate Discount Code.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs a proud Assaholic, I want a personalized card that reflects my true self, so I can create laughter and leave a fun lasting impression on others.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs an Associate AmbASSador or Certified AmbASSador, I want to share my personal discount code on these cards when handing them out, so I can spread the joy of Assholery while benefiting from referral commission.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs someone who loves humor and wants to bring laughter to others, I want these cards to come in packs of 10, 20, 50, or 100 so I can customize the quantity based on my needs.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Ministers Solution\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIntroducing your personal Assaholic Cards! 🍾 These business cards are designed to unleash your inner Assholery with style and humor. Write your information on the card and it becomes a reflection of who you are, allowing you to be yourself unapologetically.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhether it's for a special occasion or just because you want to lighten the room, these cards will always be remembered for the laughter they create. These truly unforgettable memories, (\"Remember the time Bob brought those Certified Asshole cards to the party? Haha.\")\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGet these, and you can be Bob.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can even record their responses to your Assholery and share it with the world on your socials.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMembers Pro Tip\u003c\/strong\u003e: F'real, if you are an Associate AmbASSador or Certified AmbASSador, you can put your personal discount code on these when you hand them out. You will get a quick return on your investment. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey are cheaper in volume and come in packs of 10, 20, 50 or 100. And FREE SHIPPING\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnleash Your Assholery on the world today. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Assaholics Anonymous","offers":[{"title":"Pack of 10","offer_id":44591322923240,"sku":null,"price":9.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pack of 20","offer_id":44591322956008,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pack of 50","offer_id":44591322988776,"sku":null,"price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Pack of 100","offer_id":44591323021544,"sku":null,"price":49.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0604\/2766\/5640\/files\/business-card-on-forehead-1112.png?v=1693271345"},{"product_id":"certified-asshole-membership-to-assaholics-anonymous","title":"Build Your Own Bundle and Save!","description":"\u003ch2 style=\"text-align: center;\" class=\"ql-heading\" data-block-id=\"block-cec09276-880a-4e13-bad7-4cf078f642e9\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Official Membership to Assaholics Anonymous Bundle\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMix and Match and Save\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOn a budget or just need it fast, you can order a digital version of the \u003cstrong\u003eCertified Official Founding Member of Assaholics Anonymous Certificate. Bestowed by the Minister of Assholery\u003c\/strong\u003e, you are then also vested with the powers to make anyone in your world an \"Associate\" Certified Member.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe email you the \u003cstrong\u003eOfficial Digital \"Certified Asshole Membership Certificate\u003c\/strong\u003e.\" As a fast gift you can print it at home right now, put yours or your Honoree's name on it, and publicly present it in the most dramatic of fashions. It is hilarious to see the\u003cstrong\u003e \u003c\/strong\u003eimmediate laughter!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe also send you the digital \"Associate\" Membership Certificate. Print and present them to your \"crew\", or as many friends, family, or coworkers you deem worthy of the honor. Video and then post the good ones on your socials to entertain your followers.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eForever be known as \"a \u003cstrong\u003eCertified \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003eFounding\u003c\/span\u003e Member of Assaholics Anonymous bestowed by the Minister of Assholery.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAll that, and on sale now for $4.95. (Regularly $9.95, so get one now.)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThen Add Your Gold Seal Embossed Certificate \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe difference is the digital certificate is emailed and printed at home. (Perfect for a last minute emergency gift!)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis option adds the incredibly stunning, highest quality\u003cstrong\u003e \u003cspan style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"\u003ePERSONALIZED\u003c\/span\u003e EMBOSSED GOLD SEAL FOUNDING MEMBER CERTIFICATE of \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eASSAHOLICS ANONYMOUS bestowed by the MINISTER OF ASSHOLERY\u003c\/strong\u003e, with your Honoree's name imprinted, and \u003cstrong\u003ethen actually mailed to you\u003c\/strong\u003e. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOnly $9.95 in the bundle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThen Add the VIP Gold Card\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003eThis is the \u003cstrong\u003eVIP Certified Asshole Gold Card\u003c\/strong\u003e you see in all the \"Do You Take This Card\" videos.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left;\"\u003eOnly $9.95 in the bundle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBuy one, two, or all three and SAVE!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRemember our PROMISE, whether for a personal gag gift, or gift it with love, or \u003cstrong\u003eused to add content to your socials\u003c\/strong\u003e, or even as a prank, any of these WILL make you as funny as the people in the videos. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is all about fun and just cool AF. Everyone will say\u003cstrong\u003e \"I've never seen one of these before, where did you get it?\" \u003c\/strong\u003ePeople will love you! \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Assaholics Anonymous","offers":[{"title":"Print at Home \/ No Card","offer_id":44875330617576,"sku":"Dig101","price":4.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Print at Home \/ Add Card","offer_id":44875330650344,"sku":"Dig102","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold Seal Certificate \/ No Card","offer_id":44875330683112,"sku":"Dig103","price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Gold Seal Certificate \/ Add Card","offer_id":44875330715880,"sku":"Dig104","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0604\/2766\/5640\/files\/Membership-Card_and_Certification.png?v=1712321099"},{"product_id":"copy-of-your-personalizable-im-a-certified-asshole-cards","title":"The G-Rated Personalizable \"Certified Jackhole\" Cards","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBFCM Sale - Save 50% \u0026amp; Free Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is is the \u003cstrong\u003eG-rated Jackhole version\u003c\/strong\u003e is your unique and personalized card you can hand out to celebrate your, or their, sense of humor in a world that needs laughter. You can even add your digits when you meet someone worthy. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🍾 For yourself or bestowed on others, these business cards are designed to unleash your inner Assholery with style and humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou can even record their humorous responses and share it with the world on your socials.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you love humor and want to bring laughter to others, get these now. They come in packs of 10 or 20. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnleash Yourself Today. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Assaholics Anonymous","offers":[{"title":"Pack of 10","offer_id":44880348152040,"sku":null,"price":9.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pack of 20","offer_id":44880348217576,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0604\/2766\/5640\/files\/20231009-185940_0000.png?v=1696893544"}],"url":"https:\/\/assaholicsanonymous.org\/collections\/membership.oembed","provider":"Assaholics Anonymous","version":"1.0","type":"link"}